5 Ways To Pull Yourself Out Of The Pressure Zone and Be More Productive

It’s that time of year isn’t it? All of the things you haven’t done are adding up and if where you live is anything like here in Melbourne, Australia – the deadlines appear to be looming as the city prepares itself to go into sleep mode over the Christmas/New Year period.

I did a live on my Facebook page around two weeks ago about this exact thing. (Check it out with the link below) How quick we are to pile up all the crap we haven’t done and didn’t achieve within the year but how slow we are to pull to the front of our mind all the things we have.

https://www.facebook.com/soulboundthemovement/

Classic female! Or people pleaser. Or over achiever.

Because really if we look at the feeling behind it; if we can just say we knocked all these things off our to do list and smashed all our goals – we would finally be worthy. We would finally be a success. We would finally be the epic human being that we always knew we could be.

Right!? Or would you just find more things to add to your list?

I too am guilty of this. A couple of weeks ago it was not looking pretty. Juggling two career roles, single parenting, kids social activities, planning a trip to the west, running my household and finances and still putting my hand up to weed the school garden sent me into overwhelm. However for me these times are becoming less and less and for shorter periods of time simply due to the work I have immersed myself in and the tools I choose to implement.

Meeting ourselves exactly where we are at can be one of the most challenging aspects of self love. Meeting our goals and living up to the expectations we put on ourselves is a relentless cycle of extreme ups and downs. That is is you forget to do any of the following:

1. Write down all your achievements! Ok okay. So there are things you didn’t get to yet. Yet! This doesn’t mean you won’t. Maybe it just wasn’t the right time to tackle it. Maybe it isn’t meant for you. Maybe there are some things you still need to do or learn first before you tackle this. So shift your focus to just how epic you are. Start small even if it is just that you got up every day. You are here reading this seeking a better way. That voice inside you knows you deserve and this for you. And chances are as you start this list it will all start to flow and you’ll be in absolute awe of how awesome you truly are! Sit in this state and lap it up!
2. Reach out! Speak to someone you trust. We were never designed to do this journey on our own. You having needs is not a burden and your partner friends and colleagues are not mind readers. (Well they may be -but just incase) Ask for what you need on a personal level. Be honest. If they don’t want to or can’t help that is on them to decide. If you don’t ask you don’t get. This goes for the universe too!
3. Delegate and prioritise. I am a closet control freak at times. Not trusting others to do it for me the way I would do it for me. But you can not be all things to all people. If you don’t enjoy a task, delegate it to someone who will. Otherwise you will just spend all your time stressed, overwhelmed or procrastinating hoping that it will go away. This leads to a poor job or strain in all the other areas of your life. So let go and delegate. This gives you a way easier task of prioritising what is important to do. Where you should be spending your time and freeing you up to get your flow on and be the most productive version of you.
4. Where is the pressure actually coming from? Acknowledge it. Is it really all these external factors or is it (and sorry but way more likely) internal. You need to own this. Were you verbally told you would be fired or not loved by your family if you didn’t get your to do list done? Probs not. Obviously at work there are things that need doing and targets that need to be hit but it is up to you to manage this. If it is too much speak to your senior. Explain how you are feeling and be proactive with how you could change it to suit you both. And if it’s not met with genuine concern of your wellbeing then be brave enough to admit that that may not be the right fit for you. At home same goes. Communicate your needs. Stand your ground. If you want someone to meet you halfway be an adult and lead the way.
5. Give yourself some space to be creative. Whatever creativity means to you. Pop on a song and allow it to wash over you. Draw. Daydream. Write. Sing. Do a cryptic crossword. Juggle. Dance. Whatever it is, the point is that you just let yourself be for some time. Schedule it in. It is so important for your mental and emotional health. When you are in overwhelm you are functioning completely in fight or flight. Bring yourself back into yourself with the strong intention that play is equally as important as work and rest. If not more. You simply can not be physiologically operating at your optimum if you do not do this. So take a break and feel yourself. Then you can come back to it from a more relaxed and recharged state of being.

So there you have it. Five really simple and affective things you could do right NOW for yourself to shift yourself from pressure and overwhelm into a more relaxed and productive state of being.

And we know that is where our best work and self is at. Stop making it harder than it needs to be for yourself.

You got this!

Live in love and flow

Michelle xxx

Signs, Lessons and Roundabouts

Life is grand… everything is going along exactly as I had hoped and planned. I am kicking goals and ticking boxes left, right and centre. It has been so much growth in such a short time, and this week I stepped it up a notch again. I signed with a mentor that will push me and help me fill the gaps in my business knowledge. I was asked to join a social therapy group team and I ran my first solo workshop.

However in the back of my mind, I am acutely aware at this point in time I am scared, no TERRIFIED, of my greatness.

I see an amazing Kinesiologist. One of my many mentors and teachers. She came to see me as a client and had a great session but what she said to me after resonated as I knew it was the truth. She commented that she could FEEL I was shielding some of my light. Like I was holding back. Not completely stepping into my power. A theme that has run through my life.

Up until recently I, like many, was comfortable living in victim mentality. Where life just happens to us and we really don’t have any control over our outer circumstances and how we think and behave. But lately it hasn’t been enough for me anymore and I have thrown myself into life where I am creating the reality that lights me up.

That being said, the rest of your life, patterns and experiences don’t just disappear and today it all welled up. All the what ifs. What if I am not good enough? What if I fail? What if I succeed but nobody I love is ok with my new life? Why is it so hard for me? Why does everyone else seem to get it easy?

It is amazing the bullshit that we throw into the mix when we are bashing ourselves up.

So reluctantly, I took myself out of the house to go to a coffee date I had organised many weeks ago. My first ever client, now friend, that was my guinea pig for my Super Soul Sessions. Two seconds in she could see I wasn’t myself and honestly I wasn’t doing a great job of pretending otherwise. Despite the fact we are now friends, I still put all these expectations on myself as to how I “should” behave in front of her.

But I was in it and as unbelievably uncomfortable as it made me, the self proclaimed “fixer” in the dynamic, I wasn’t in a space to pull myself up. So she whisked me out the cafe door to go and find nature.

As we walked along and she made small talk as I gave nothing back, she stopped and began to chuckle. I looked up. “You’re fucking kidding me!” I proclaimed.

There right in the window of a random store on the side of the road was a giant rug. In coloured writing it simply said “Open Up Your Heart”.  “Well I have to say, you always get such clear signs from the universe Michelle” she said.

Well that was it. I began to cry. We walked a little further until my tears turned into sobs and I sat myself down on a tram stop bench. She sat next to me as I lent over and cried on her shoulder.

We sat in silence for a bit. Then as if I was sitting with Yoda, she began to speak.

“You know your intuition is quite remarkable Michelle. You sat yourself down in front of a building site. Look at all the big signs right in front of you! It is so relevant!”

We began to laugh. The signs were like “Take care – deep excavation in progress” “Safety Gear Required At All Times” & “Under Construction” – These signs were like a metaphor for my life right now.

As we giggled and sat with the sun on our faces the wisdom and beautiful insights poured out of her. And as I sat there and lapped up all the golden insights and different perspectives on how my journey is going, the resounding feeling was gratitude. Gratitude for her. Gratitude for the words. Gratitude for the lessons. Gratitude for my humaness.

Regardless of who you are, your title, your role in the dynamic or whatever other labels or boxes you put around yourself. You are having a human experience. And every single one of us is capable of teaching all the rest of us a thing or two.

When you allow yourself to open and be your authentic self, the lessons flow your way thick and fast and all those empty spaces no longer seem so dark and vast.

Be open to connecting and learning. Always. Every single soul has some beautiful wisdom to bring to the world that could in a second, change yours.

Love and light

Michelle xxx

The Passion Path: Don’t Forget Your Why…

The Why… The reason that brought you to where you are. That feeling in your heart. In your gut. In your entire being. It makes your heart swell and your eyes dilate and the emotions wash over you like your whole body is filled with this sense of knowing. The sense that this is why you are here. This is what you what were made for. You know regardless of any logic or reasoning; that you are doing precisely what you were created to do.

If you are blessed enough to be one of those who has found your passion in life …. that thing, that someone, that experience, or that place, group or hobby – you know that nothing compares. Nothing can light you up the way that this does. It pumps through your veins and fills you with life affirming energy that spills out into everything you do.

Choosing this life – the passion path – is such an honour. Once you see it; no, once you feel it, it’s like you don’t have an option. It has called upon you. It has shown you the way from existing to living. This is a place there is no coming back from. And you wouldn’t have it any other way. The life you led before seemed to exist in a parallel universe. To another person, in another time. When you choose the passion path you are reborn. You’re awake. Alive. Fulfilled.

This path is simple to choose. But this path is not easy. It takes your all. Your full heart. Everything is amplified. You feel everything so intensely. You experience in technicolour. Your sensations are heightened. Your pleasure centres full. You breathe in its intensity and exude out its light and essence.

But when you truly give something your all, when you invest all that time, that energy, that power, that force, THAT LOVE… When you have this passion ignited inside of you, it also has the times where it’s beautiful intensity is what burns. It can be your unravelling. It can be your pain. Your breaking point. Your undoing.

The passion path is beautiful. It is for the courageous. It is for the inspired. The living. So when it is not going as you hoped, not as you had dreamed; Remember that along with the sheer wonder and beauty that this passion brings, it would not be so without it’s ability to scold you at times. It’s wondrous intensity goes both ways.

And in these times when your passion breaks you down; in this time when you lose your centre and understanding of how you came to be on this path. When all your sensations are overloaded and the senses are blurred –  this is when you go back to your WHY…Why you chose a life of living over a life of existing.

And allow it to ignite you over and over again.

Love always, Michelle xx

PS This passage was inspired by my father. Growing up, I could never understand why my father made many decisions that he did. Why he chose to spend all his time on the land with his cattle. Why he invested all of his time, energy and money into this part of his world that not only did I not really appreciate, I felt took away from his time with me. Over the years I resented this. I took it to mean I was not loved or important. I created my own set of beliefs around how this placed me in the world.

But now as I unravel all of my limiting beliefs and fearful perceptions and heal my relationship with myself and hence those around me, I can really see this for what it is. The most amazing gift my Dad could have given me. The understanding of passion and devotion to the parts of your world that light you up. That thing or person, that no matter how anyone else sees or experiences it – it doesn’t matter. It brings you joy, growth and understanding of your place in this world.

So thank you Dad for inspiring me to live my life with passion. To go for it when no one else gets it. Thank you for showing me that no matter how hard it appears to get, that without passion igniting my world, I would be purely existing. Not living.

Thank you for showing me what it takes to believe in myself despite all the odds and how to rise up again and again. Thank you for showing me how to love.

I love you. Happy Fathers Day.

Michelle xxx

 

 

Act As If

Hands up who has heard of the phrase “act as if”. Often cited in the words of manifesting guides and the “Law of Attraction” and other such methods of attracting abundance and creating the life you truly desire.

“Act as if” basically requires one to live, breathe and believe they are creating the life and future they truly want to experience.

So where is the line you ask,  between allowing yourself to go there and visualise this alternate future reality and just being downright delusional? Or is there even a line?

There is so much to be said for the way children go about “make believe”. They dive in with such curiosity and feeling that they go to that place in which the game they are immersed in, does for that moment in time, become their reality. Like those weeks in which my son would predominantly act as if he were a cat, purring and meowing at everything I said or did. Or those months in which my daughter would only go by the name “Rainbow Dash Sparkle Glitter Princess” To them that place they created for themselves was more enjoyable than their other reality options so they chose to stay in the one that brought them joy. This makes a crap load of sense to me. Kids are smart.

So although as adults it is necessary to have a firm grasp on the realities that provide us the basics like shelter, food, clothing and money – many of us are opening the peripheries  to this kind of mindset training. Awesome! BUT… how quickly we give up hope when that 1k, or that new car, or that dream boyfriend, we asked for doesn’t show up near on immediately.

We get disheartened so easily from the process. If we don’t get quick results how do we know it is even working. And then it just becomes another thing we are giving our time and energy to and getting seemingly nowhere.

But this is where the true gold lies. Ok so if were honest most of us go into manifesting with some material goal in mind. We want more money. Or a home. Or a new wardrobe. Or a holiday etc etc… Because when we get these things we will be happy right? Right? Hmmmmmmm…… will you? Only you can truly answer that.

The thing is though – if 2/3 of you is going into goal reaching and manifesting with the right intentions but there is still 1/3 of you that is voicing the opposite can you see how confusing the message can be? Even 1/8 of you not believing will slow the process down.

FRUSTURATING RIGHT! Ha! I know. And this is where I see it to be all backward. So many of these mindsets are marketed at the influx of material items. Now please don’t get me wrong. Financial freedom and material items are great! I love money, experiences nice clothes and holidays. And it is 1000000000% normal and ok to want for it. But what is the 1/3 or 1/8 of you that doesn’t believe you can truly live the life you want to actually saying. Why is it that you actually feel like you do not have that capacity within you to get all the things you want in life?

I bet its not saying “a holiday a year is a bit excessive don’t you think” or “enough money to pay you bills comfortably is selfish”  It all comes back to how we view ourselves in the world. Our self love and knowledge that we are indeed WORTHY! This is it. That simple. And it will reverberate into every aspect of your being.

So this is why the “act as if” phrase to me is a beautiful piece of wisdom. Unlock that inner child in you. The one that knows how to make believe and go into that space in which you are the superhero of your own existence. Or the cat or princess. Hey everyones dream is different;) Really access that space within you that is carefree and creative and play with the vision. Allow it to wash over you. FEEL it. Anchor it in to the cells in your body. Allow it to be your reality.

Then that feeling. That pulsing or warmth or lightness or buzzing or whatever it is that you feel in you; FOLLOW IT. Use that as your guide to make every decision in your life. Following the vibrational energy you want to become. Create the energetic vibration and then live it every day. It truly is this simple. But no-one ever said it was going to be easy.

Show up every day. Love yourself first. Bring out that inner child and celebrate all that you already have.

The rest will come… then before you know it, you’re no longer acting.

Love and light, Michelle xx

 

Overcoming Life Sucking Fear

For most of us, fear rules our day to day lives. It is why we go to the jobs that we hate that don’t fulfil us. It is why we don’t tell our partners what we really want to say about what we need emotionally, spiritually, sexually, financially. It is why we continue the same old dynamics with our family members that leave us feeling frustrated and misunderstood. It is why we agree with our friends opinions out loud but not really in our guts, hearts and minds. It is why we attend things and do things that we actually don’t want to do. Or say things we don’t really believe. It is why most of us go into many day to day situations pretending to be anyone other than our true authentic selves.

Have you ever sat there and asked yourself why you do these things? Why you avoid the tricky conversations? Why you avoid standing up for yourself and imposing some healthy boundaries around your own personal needs and wants? Have you asked yourself if failure, rejection or change would actually kill you? Or why and when you decided that you didn’t matter enough to be heard, seen, loved and held exactly as you are? Or why you feel you are unworthy of living a life you actually passionatley desire to live?

So many of us struggle along in silence. Ticking the perceived needed boxes of what a majority of us call our lives. Relationship…Job…Social Status…Mortgage…Cars.. Counting down the days and minutes we get to clock off work. Leave the family to go see friends. Go on holidays. End the week. End the relationship. Find a relationship. Earn that money.

The “I’ll be happy when …” syndrome.

What if none of that stuff actually meant anything to you in your heart of hearts but you never actually took the time to ask yourself what it is that you do want and need in order to be truly fulfilled?

Susan Jeffers, author of international best seller, Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway; gives the below list of examples of signs that can bring  our attention to what scenarios of our lives we are giving away our power and not taking responsibility of our own empowered option of choice.

Feelings of: anger, impatience, upset, joylessness, fatigue, blaming others, pain, attempting to control others, lack of focus, obsessiveness, self-pity, addictions, envy, judgmentalness, helplessness, disappointment, constant state of limbo, jealousy.

Are you feeling any of these in your daily existence? Be honest with yourself. It is actually exciting if you recognise it. Then you’re prime for growth and change. Well done you!!

I fucking jumped this year. Backed myself. I dove head first into an existence I didn’t even perceive to be possible until I started following my gut. Into my real passion and what drives me and what lights me up. The world of coaching, energy work and helping empower people to understand, heal and nourish themselves. And although I am growing exponentially as a practitioner and as a person I’d be lying if I didn’t say I still deal with fears on a daily basis. However I push through. Despite the ability for me to be even more rejected, have more chances to fail,  be judged, ridiculed and misunderstood more than I ever encountered inside the box that many know as comfortable, what allows me to say fuck the fear and do it anyway?

What do I think are some key elements to stepping into this type of courage as opposed to staying stuck in a life of paralysed fear and partial living.

1. CLARITY: This does not mean a strict 5 year plan. Ha! I would run from that! I mean find something that lights you up! What does everyone always comment you are good at? Whats the activity or thing you do that helps you forget about all the bs in life? For me, I am clear on what I want and that is what I am going after. For me this clarity is in my chosen career. Life is a journey made up of many facets. Right now I am so clear on what brings me happiness and joy which is my chosen profession and personal growth journey and that is what I am focused on. Conversely in terms of relationships I am still unsure of exactly what I need and want so I have freed myself up to grow outside of that in something I am passionate about. Rather than doing what many of us do and hope that someone or something else outside of us will save us or fulfil us. The power is always within. Trust yourself.
2. YOUR POSSE: Not always easy I know, but make a conscious effort to weed out the people that don’t make you feel good. If you are constantly dulling your shine or consciously changing your behaviour to fit in – this includes family and work – STEP BACK! I get sometimes stepping away completely is not an option but free yourself up from too much time in situations in which you can’t be your true self. This can be lonely at first I understand from personal experience. But then you get really into the space of being you and you’ll start vibing with and attracting the right crowd before you know it! Promise!
3. VULNERABILITY: Huge. Massive. Ballsy. Freeing. Scary as FUCK. But oh so worth it. It relates to the above too. Once you allow yourself the space to be you and vibe with your people they will help bring your vulnerability out. Purely because you will feel safe and comfortable. This has been a HUGE one for me. Really letting people step forward. Help me. Save me. Be there for me. Allowing myself to be seen and heard and ask for help even though it is scary. But I took the time to learn who I am safe to do that with. And I have never felt more held, seen, raw, real and loved in my entire life.
4. YOU TIME:  Check in time. Do the thing that calms you. Sit without distraction. Give yourself the space to differentiate between the voices in your head telling you bullshit and lies about you and allow the voice in your gut to deepen and get louder.  Be fearless in your own company. Allow yourself the time to sit with what you are feeling and work out where the voice of fear is coming from. As science has shown we are born with only two innate fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds – you can bet your bottom dollar the voice telling you bullshit lies isn’t your own. Working out who’s it is gives you the capacity to realise that it isn’t yours and therefore you have the power to decide whether or not it is true for you. (FYI – its not, you’re more than enough) Trust yourself.
5. MASSIVE IMPERFECT ACTION: All the gurus are using this phrase. Tony Robbins, Oprah,  Gary Vaynerchuk, Grace Lever. Just do something. Even a little thing. Research. Talk to people. Go to a workshop or class. Do a brainstorm or a vision board. Give yourself the opportunity to try. To test the waters. To feel what it feels like to go after what you want. And with every time you step into that space you get that little bit better at taking the leap of faith.

So for me… do I know how it is all going to work out? No. No I don’t. But I trust that it will. Even now when I sit in the fear I have never felt so sure of my path. I have never felt so alive and excited to wake up every day and put my heart and soul into everything I do. I have never before had this capacity to allow myself to be so open and seen and back myself all the way.

I have never believed in myself so much. And that is because I wasn’t being myself so how the fuck was I supposed to believe in that?

Now? Now I trust. And I truly want that for you.

Get in touch.

Love and light, Michelle xxx

http://www.soulboundtm.com

 

Energy LOVES Laughter

We all know the saying laughter is the best medicine. And we’ve all experienced the cathartic effects a really good belly chuckle can bring with it. So why when it comes to the world of health, fitness, wellbeing and energy work – all things that are also great for the soul – do we take it so seriously?

I love yoga. LOVE it! But how many would agree, you go to a class and everyone is tight lipped, often rarely breathing and taking every pose so damn seriously. I have definitely been to classes where I have received many a glare through out. And honestly… I don’t care.

Now I am not talking in the end at Shavasana. Although I can also bet we’ve all been to a class were someone farts or gets the giggles in this stage too. But I mean throughout the class. I giggle at myself when I wobble. I giggle at myself when I think of something funny. I giggle at myself when I notice I am taking it all too seriously. Many of the most amazing teachers will tell you; breathe into your pose. Then they will also encourage you to smile. Not just for a laugh (pun intended 😉 Smiling and laughter releases oxytocin into the bloodstream that allows us to release tension and stress thereby allowing you to move deeper into your pose and feel better all round as a result.

Laughter and smiling have so many benefits and the list on Bron Roberts website Let’s Laugh, wellbeing programs all developed around laughter, is impressive. From anti-aging, to immune boosting; from aiding in treatment or heart disease and diabetes to building bonds and resilience, the clinically proven statistics are astounding.

http://www.letslaugh.com.au/content/benefits/laughter

So as society slowly begins to embrace the energy world as more common place, how can laughter help us to connect? Well, in much the same way as it helps us to move deeper into our yoga poses.

The energy body, our aura, our soul or whatever you chose to call it, is forever fluctuating. In a majority of us it is dependant on our outside influences such as our environment, the people and places we have chosen to be around, the society and culture we live in, the air we breathe, and the food and beverages we ingest. EVERY SINGLE THING exists as energy. It is the frequency at which the particles vibrate that determines how we humans view it in our reality. Solid dense matter, such as the device you are reading this on now, is simply vibrating at a lower frequency.

This concept is no different for a thought. For an emotion. For a belief. For a perception or lens that we chose to look at the world through. So we are connected to energy all the time because we are energy all the time.

But what if changing the draining energy of a low vibe emotion was as easy as cracking a smile. Well great news…IT IS!

Part of connecting to the energy that is running through us, around us, that is us, is first to acknowledge it. With no shame or judgment. What you think and feel up until you are aware that thought or feeling doesn’t work for you doesn’t count. There is no reason to beat yourself up for what was if you are making the courageous choice to learn and grow.

Then name it. What is the thought? What is the emotion? Expressing it, even quietly to yourself can bring clarity and understanding so you can isolate the energetic imprint without those old sayings like “I am just broken” or “I am messed up” or “Nothing ever goes my way” etc etc. When we feel a bit shit we tend to be great at catastrophising our whole existence.

Then really connect to it. Close your eyes. Feel where it is in your body. Notice the heaviness, denseness or weight it appears to be placing on that part of your body.

Now that you in your entirety is giving it attention, send it love. Allow yourself to see what it is without attaching to it. Chances are in this moment you are in no real danger. Remind yourself of that. You are safe and loved. Then allow the smile to take over your face.

Allow it to grow. Allow it to develop. Allow it to burst into a giggle if it is ready to. Allow yourself to use this natural state of laughter – as natural to us as breathing – to ease the density of the energy you feel. Allow it to open you up so you can release the energy back into the world around you.

Honestly, this can be challenging. But in terms of a technique to pull out to quickly refocus your energy, it is GOLD. And effective. I have personally found as I force myself to smile, I feel silly and then its easy to break into laughter.

JOB DONE!

Then as you feel the density of the energy disperse you can be really attentive and mindful to that energy leaving your body.

And what an amazing process it is. The power is always with us. If we choose to use it.

Just smile,

Love and light, Michelle xxx

 

 

Total Acceptance (3) – Victim

Ok so victim is more of an archetype or part of the personality than an emotion, but it is one we are well versed at acting out.

As a society we are pretty quick to pass the buck, blame and divert and deflect from our own bullshit. We are pretty good at acting like life just happens to us and we have no control over the outcome. In the corporate world, in our personal lives, in how we treat the planet, in how we treat ourselves.

As I started to learn about the “victim” element that resides in ALL of us, I initially rejected it. That actually makes me lol. Because that exact rejection was me acting out the victim traits.

But I kept telling myself “I am allowed to be a victim” “I am a victim”. I have been sexually abused, emotionally abused, physically abused. I am allowed to act out the victim. To make me feel better about all the shit that has gone down, I need those around me to feel sorry for me and make it all better. But I continuously learnt the hard way. If you put all that power in others hands, you are in for a big fall my friends.

Stepping into personal development, growth and enlightenment takes courage. To truly look at your stuff and take ownership of your emotions, actions, thoughts, beliefs and perceptions is as brave as it gets. So no wonder stepping into this space triggers our inner victim left right and centre.

If we look at the victim they are often perceived as powerless, weak, scared, all blaming, possibly even deserving of the bad that has happened to them. But as with everything in this universe; you can not give rise to these elements without the equal and opposite elements residing within in you. Every single thing you see within you both “good” and “bad” has, in the right circumstances, the ability to be expressed and acted out. Really think about that. Polarity is in everything. Duality. So therefore in the empowered version of the victim qualities are powerful, strong, courageous, ownership of self and awareness of life lessons and universal patterns.

So how do you get perspective and see where you are acting out in the disempowered or shadow aspect of victim?

1. Expression: Watch how you are talking. Both internally and externally. Even in humour. The subconscious mind has no sense of humour. Here in Australia in particular it is common practice to joke about our perceived bad qualities, traits and misfortunes and thats ok too, but just check in occasionally and see how saying those things to yourself actually sits with how you want to feel in and about yourself.  An example of this is I would say if I made a mistake “Lucky I am cute” meaning I am not smart. But as I have become aware of my over expressed victim,, I feel an internal reaction in my body when I say this, yelling “HEY! Im very smart thank you!”
2. Language: building on the last point watch the words you use. Common phrases “I can’t do that”, “I should do that”, “I am trying”, “I had to”, “they, he, she, made me feel…”. These are all statement that immediately give our power away. Rephrase this simply by just owing it. “I can’t” could be more that you actually haven’t tried, or you attempted it but feel you could do better next time, or you actually really don’t want to. Thats ok. But say it for what it is. “I should” – well says who? Do you want to for you? “I am trying” – this is an interesting one. It is good to have a go and try things but when you use this term as a means of justifying why you are in a place you are not comfortable, you’re actually not empowering yourself. Just say “I am taking this, this and this step to get to where I want to be”. “I had to” – simple. No you didn’t. We always have the power of choice. “They, he, she, made me feel…” no one can make you feel anything. You chose what emotions you allow yourself to attach to.
3. Actions: simple bodily responses will enable the victim. So stand with your back straight. Head up. Eye contact where appropriate. Take up your space in the room. Don’t shrink to make others feel comfortable. Just allow yourself to be as equally as important as everyone else on this planet. You are!

See the thing that got me about this stuff, was it actually made me angry. But they did this this and this and that is wrong! Well the flip side of that is who the fuck am I to decide what is wrong. It was wrong by me, but essential for both my and their journey. Therefore my power is in getting to now chose to no longer be around those people, places, situations or take on those emotions that don’t serve me.

You have this power within you too. I promise. Allow yourself to shine.

The world needs your glow. And always remember the over expressed victim has a right too. Don’t shame it. But empower it to be free so you can live in self power, love and peace.

Love and light, Michelle xxx

 

 

 

Total Acceptance (2) – Guilt

There are many profound quotes around the emotion of guilt.

• Guilt is to the spirit, what pain is to the body ~ Elder David A. Bednar
• Guilt is anger directed at ourselves for what we did or did not do ~ Peter McWilliams
• Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion of death ~ Coco Chanel
• Guilt is always hungry; don’t let it consume you ~ Terri Guillemets

Then there is the dictionary definition:

• a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offence, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.

To me, whilst they are all valid, they don’t give huge scope to identifying and shifting the feeling within.

Guilt for me has featured in many parts of my life, but none compare to the guilt we can put on ourselves as parents. When I decided to follow my heart and part ways with the father of my kids the guilt that followed was immense. Basically I wondered if I had  completely screwed up these perfect little humans for life with my “selfish” choices.

But guilt comes in many forms and it doesn’t need to be a big scenario such as mine in order to trigger it. Guilt is either when you yourself feel you haven’t lived up to your own values and morals OR; that of someone you have allowed to have power over how you see yourself.

How many of us feel guilty for eating dessert? For flirting with that person at work? For drinking too much on a night out? For not making it to the kids assembly because you had to work? For accidentally sharing information about someone you weren’t supposed to? For saying not so nice things about others? For not helping those who have looked out for you? For living in a nice house when your friends and family may not? And so on and so on…

And that is just what we do to ourselves. What about the dynamics in which we allow others to project their ideals onto us and if we don’t live up to them we feel guilty for “letting them down” or “not making them proud” or whatever else they try and pull over you and you allow yourself to take on.

I know I have had to check myself as a mum when I have pulled the whole “You will do as I say – I went through 28 hours of labour for you!” bullshit. Or as a partner the more subtle “even though I have slaved away all day cooking and cleaning and looking after the kids – sure go out with your mates”. All along hoping the passive aggressive guilt trip will do the trick and he would indeed stay home and help. Not surprisingly, it never worked.

Although these types of dynamics can be tricky to navigate as always, the most powerful thing we can ever do to neutralise such a ‘dis-ease’ as guilt is to look to our own internal environment.

Our internal environment is all about layers. The lens or perception that we look at situations in our environment colours everything we do. Whether you are aware or not. If you are operating in fear you will consistently behave in reactive ways to stimuli instead of being thought out and responsive. Many of us know this, but boy-oh-boy when a strong low vibrational energy comes in such as guilt, how many of us sit in that energy. Think about it. Entertain it. Dissect it. Imagine different scenarios around it. And blame, shame and bash ourselves up for not doing better in the first place.

But that is ok. Because this space is the exact place of power. When you are guilting yourself for something; anything – start small – maybe having two pieces of cake at the birthday party, or forgetting to ask your friend how the first day at their new job was – STOP. And tell yourself this new truth.

Guilt is beneficial. That is right! It is not BAD. It is necessary. It is there to show you that the situation involved does not align to who you are. The purest form of you. Your soul. It is purely a little life lesson that instead of feeding with self- shaming behaviours and begging for forgiveness; you just simply need to acknowledge, show some compassion and take steps to alter the outcome in future similar situations.

Acknowledging your emotion of guilt for what it is, is beyond powerful. I have done a lot of work around this with my separation and subsequent unsuccessful romantic relationships. Yes I made mistakes but I am learning. We never stop learning and growing. And mostly I have learned to see guilt as an integral part of my own internal compass that is guiding me to lead the life I truly desire to live.

In every possible way.

Love and light, Michelle xxx

http://www.soulboundtm.com

Total Acceptance (1) – Jealousy

One of the toughest parts of learning to love ourselves in our entirety, is the complexity of self shaming. When we look outside of ourselves for validation or acknowledgment. When we look to society and our environment to dictate and mould how our lives should look. If we ourselves do not feel we measure up to these perceived ideals of our external environment, we tell ourselves there is something wrong with us. We tell ourselves we are not enough.

We all walk our own path. Have our own unique dynamics, experiences and lessons that help guide the lens in which we look at this world. In order to shift our perception from struggle, pain, fear and ego to light and love for all that is, we know that the first step to change is acknowledgement. This is well documented. Personal growth starts with owning your shit and the willingness to take action to change it.

However, often once we start to truly look into all parts of ourselves and what makes us tick we undoubtedly uncover deep parts within us that we don’t really like or want to own. These thoughts, beliefs, actions and emotions are equally a part of us as the cool, fun, shiny stuff we appreciate about ourselves; and behind the dark exterior, its power to propel us to the life we truly want is palpable.

So this week lets look into the emotion of JEALOUSY. This is a widely shamed emotion to express. Often called the root of all evil, a disease, a monster, a curse only experienced by those who have no self esteem. If you express jealousy, you are automatically seen as weak. It is almost a taboo emotion and one that triggers a huge amount of self shaming behaviours.

Unfortunately, the intensity is increased due to the double nature of the emotion in which we not only feel bad in ourselves for feeling that way but we are also harbouring negativity toward the person or situation we are in fact jealous of. Clearly, this results in one big cycle of negative energy and suppression.

As is my intention behind all that I do, I like to express something real. Something for you, the reader to connect to. To understand that I am speaking both from a place of knowledge and understanding. Something authentic and relatable. This week jealousy reared its intriguing head into my consciousness and I have had an interesting experience unpacking it.

This time it was amongst friends. Being the only single mum in the group and busy juggling all the things that I am choosing to do in this stage of my life, my social life has taken a bit of a back seat. And although I have chosen this, it did not help me rationalise why I was feeling left out and jealous when I did see my friends and I had no idea what most of the conversations were about. Plans were being made without me and group texts had differed to ones in which I was no longer included. As I was sitting at a dinner with them for the first time in a while and I wasn’t following any of the conversation, I began to feel that deep old emotion of jealousy rising up.

Now I would place bets that every single person reading this has experienced this feeling at one point or another. Some people feel it more often than others, and you know what? Thats ok!

The thing is, the friendships, careers and romantic partners we seek out as adults are not by chance. We are drawn to or repelled from personality types and people based on the dynamics we experienced in our childhood years. It is this intricately amazing life that our unconsciousness weaves for us so we can be presented with situations that can keep us “safe” in our patterns of old. Or, when you are ready to look at it like this, give us the opportunities to grow and heal any parts of ourselves that are not fulfilled.

Jealousy will surface in situations in which these old wounds are triggered. And lets be honest it actually makes you feel yuk. Inside and out. Its one of the lower vibrational emotions so it makes sense that it just brings you down. You and those around you. Its heavy.

So if you add to the heaviness with more self blame, shame, misdirected anger and projection you will inevitably only add to its weight.

The only way to lighten the load of a low vibrational energy is to show it the light. Shower in it. Be honest with yourself. If you feel it come up, be compassionate. Ultimately, it is a small child part of yourself expressing that they are feeling insecure. That they are not feeling enough. That they need to be loved. Not shamed and pushed down or away.

Find a safe place and EXPRESS IT. Let it out. In a healthy way. Not screaming or sulking. This will only make you feel worse again. In my situation I chose to express it directly to those involved and it has been a great experience for my growth journey. But you may chose a professional, a safe friend or family member or even just acknowledging it to yourself and show yourself some love.

It never ceases to amaze me how the intensity of these emotions lessens immediately once we allow ourselves the space to express it. Without judgment. Then show gratitude for what you do have and feed the things in your world that bring you joy.

Jealousy does not make you evil. It does not make you a monster. It doesn’t mean you are cursed. It doesn’t make you all darkness. It makes you a perfectly divine soul just living out your journey in this human experience. Just like the rest of us.

Go easy on yourself.

Love and light, Michelle xxx

Triggering Strengths

If you look into many of the careers of the most compassionate, effective, highly regarded psychologists, psychiatrists, counsellors, life coaches and social workers they are often so tuned into their niche, as they have experienced some or many of the aspects in which they facilitate. They understand the process from both sides of the fence. They have figured out the genuine link between the phenomenon that our greatest strengths can also trigger our greatest emotional responses.

As I seek and relinquish to be of service in this profession and soul purpose, I am the first to realise that my area of both strength and massive learning and growth opportunities, is connection.

I have spoken on multiple occasions about this through this blog and on my social media.  Connection. The reason behind all that I am doing. Connection to self. Connection in love. Connection in family. Connection in friendships. Connection to professions. Connection to the community. The arts. Humanity. Mother nature. The Universe.

And as the universe is so kind and loving and wants me to learn and grow, this week has been a series of events around this very topic in multiple facets of my life. Friends, family and career have all featured in this weeks soul lessons.

I uncomfortably voiced to my friends some of the personal stuff thats been going on for me. Vulnerability, although I am so aware of it’s power, is still not always comfortable and I started by pushing them away. They, as the keepers do, came back in full force and surrounded me with love. I am blessed. A lesson that connection is safe.

Career was an interesting one. I attended a talk by some local inspiring entrepreneurs that I admire both the business model and the philosophies and culture behind all that they do. Throughout they kept weaving in the importance of connection with those that inspire you and can help you both personally and professionally to grow. I was on the edge of my seat really involved in all that was being said; until the end of the talk arrived and we were invited to come and say hello. I completely shifted gears. Anxiety took over and I rushed for the exit. I kicked myself the whole way home. What a wasted opportunity for connection and networking with people who have been where I am and have gotten to where I want to be.

So, I snapped out of it. I couldn’t undo what had happened but I could still influence what is to come with my actions right then and there. So I stalked them online, got emails and sent them a open honest email about all I just wrote. How inspired I was by them. How much I got from the talk and how I let my fear get the better of me in that moment. I still felt a bit bummed as I took myself off to bed. But when I left work the next day I was floored.

Not only did they respond, they checked out my blog, my website and were full of praise and encouragement. Along with the offer for guidance whenever I need it and that next time I can pass on even a hand shake and go straight for a hug!

OMG I knew they were my kind of people! Beautiful souls, willing to share, nourish, guide and encourage others to live their full potential. Keepers. Another strong example that connection is safe.

The final and by far and away the most soul cleansing of the week, my father. A strong hard working man from the old school generation in which although we are loved immensely, he held his cards close to his chest. When he was not working the farm, which was rare, he was not one to display affection. I have played this dynamic over and over in my life with other males. No ones fault. Just our journey. But today he rang me. I was out with the kids so asked him to call me back. Then my anxiety peaked. Why was he calling? Was something wrong? Is he sick? Even I was shocked at the intensity of the stress I was putting myself through. I was expecting the worst.

So when he rang back all of 45 of the longest minutes later, I was ready to shut down. He seemingly picked up on my demeanour and proceeded to do all the talking! This is generally my domain. But he had my back. He eased me in and we ended up connecting for a good 36 minute chat! I can not express how huge this is. How cathartic and cleansing for me. And for him. That I believe.

I can see that as I work through these things within myself, those around me have either stepped up to show me strength and support or have eased and softened towards me. The stayers in my world are moulding with me. Those that were meant to come and go have done so or will do so. I am happy. I am safe. And I am always connected.

It is this that I look forward to growing into even further and sharing with every soul I am blessed enough to come across in my experience. I truly feel, think, know and believe that my journey, my lessons, my experience and now studies and skill set will allow me to be of such great service to so many of us that feel a lack of connection and are ready to feel again.

In this world, we are increasingly disconnected. Busy is glorified. Most of our daily interactions are through a screen. Many of us coast through assuming that that lack or  wanting for something else is just a normal part of existing. But I am here to tell you it is not. I doesn’t have to feel that way.

Connection is safe. And it is the basis of all strength, love, joy and passion in this wondrous experience we are blessed to call life.

Live it.

Love and light, Michelle xxx